Oh my. It's the last day of the first month of the new year. I'm drunk right now, you know. Well--I'm "buzzed" at least. I went out and splurged on a $19 bottle of Kahlua Especial. I have yet to make my own despite several good recipes emailed me from great readers like you. I'm wearing a dark gray t-shirt my sister gave me during Christmas after I said, "I like your shirt; can I have it?" It reads "Down the hatch" in pictures. A down arrow with "down" written in it, then the word "the" and a hat, plus ch. I love this shirt. Both Jeff and his roommate said I look pretty tuff with big guns while wearing this shirt. I think my arms are just fat.

I'm scared a little here, folks. I'm getting way more concerned about the appearance of my body than I've ever been before. My belly is soft. My arms look big. My butt has a lot of dimples. My jeans are a little tight. I'm always feeling hot--and no, I am not pregnant.

I've been incredibly hot all day. Sweating, feeling like I smell. I have my period and wonder if people can smell it. I know it sounds disgusting to some, but it's just plain old practical to admit that you can smell a woman when she has her period. It's a very distinctive smell and I can always pick it up when I walk by a woman. I could smell me today and though I don't hate it, I hate to think that others can smell it. Even if they do think what I think when I smell it, "Oh. She has her period." And while I mention it--why the hell is it called a period? What is that? What does that mean? "A Period of time in which a woman bleeds." What is this? Something about using that word just makes me freaking cringe. I'm not having a period. Jesus! This process is a bit more involved than a simple word that means absolutely nothing. "On the rag," "Aunt Flo is visiting," "her monthly or cycle." I'm bleeding. Why? Because a sperm did not fertilize an egg that therefore could not attach itself to the uterine lining that has been preparing itself for attachment for an entire month in the hopes of introducing a life form to the world. It's not just a freaking PERIOD.

I don't know what my problem is right now. I want to write some in my secret journal, which you can email me for if you'd like access.

I have more to rant about and shall do it there.