Hi, my lovely friends. I'm at work this morning and miss you all very much. I'm tired tired tired. The work is hard, but it keeps me busy and I do feel good about it. Sometimes, I wonder if it isn't too much, but when I get back into it after a weekend, I feel good. It's the paperwork I don't like. That's what Mondays are for me: my paperwork days. I have two overdue reviews (but overdue only by a few days).

I have a new computer at home! I have six free months of AOL but haven't connected it yet. I'm hoping to do that tonight with the assistance of my little sis Jenna, who is going to be living with me and Jon until November.

I feel like I haven't seen Jon in ages. He's been to two conferences and now he's vacationing with his family in New Hampshire. He'll be back tomorrow. I'm excited, but always nervous. I still have that low confidence that makes me think he's re-thinking us the entire time he's away. And I have no reason to think so, really.

My psychiatrist is upping my dosage of Celexa. I'm now taking 30 mg for about 3 weeks and then upping it to 40. He said if it doesn't do the desired thing--make me feel happier--then we'll switch to another kind of anti-depressant. Since taking it, I feel something strange: a desire to clean like crazy. It's settling down, but it really sucks because I get home from work and I'm just so TIRED. And then on the weekends, I think to myself: ah! sleep! But then I have something to do. Either drive to see my mother, my sister, a picnic, or something else. And my paychecks! I was so thrilled to get bigger paychecks, but so far, they've been unexpectedly depleted in the first day of having them because my family needs help and so I help, of course, and I love to help, but have to admit that I feel a little bitter that I'm still struggling despite this better job.

One good thing: I've finally paid off my car so that it's all mine and I don't have to make anymore payments! And I haven't had to borrow a cent from Jon in one whole month. Granted, I still owe him $30 for the phone bill and cable, but that's pretty all right. I haven't borrowed. Who's to say if I might have to this time around with my sister here and her not yet having a job, but she'll get one quick, I think.

I have to go to work now, but wanted to let you all know that I'm here and I very much want to be able to write and update and hear from you all. Email me at [email protected]. I can't access my hotmail account from work and it may even have been revoked since I haven't used it in so long.

Hugs to you all. Be well!