Honestly? It's uncomfortable. To share grief with so many people. So uncomfortable, in fact, you (I) almost don't want to even acknowledge the day.

It was my plan not to turn on the television today. I never thought that I was the type of person to want to hide from emotion and pain and incidences that would make me squirm. Of all people, I expected myself to feel what I should feel. Only I find myself wondering if I feel anything.

Collective sighs, etc. I didn't cry when nine/eleven happened, but I didn't simply "go on" either. I still don't think I know exactly what I felt.

A strange story: when I learned that my father had died, I remember--very clearly--wondering how I was supposed to react. I don't know what I did, but I feel like I was thinking in my head, "Okay. Now I'm supposed to cry; maybe crumple; maybe yell out."

I feel the same way now.

I'm very very glad I didn't know anybody who died in nine/eleven, and I feel terrible that death can come in an instant...but I have so many dreams in which I die, that I feel if it were to come for me, I'd be ready. I'd be sad, cause I'd miss the world. But I wouldn't be afraid of the actual death--only the pain that may come with it. Both physical and emotional.

Take care today. Smile. Don't forget: we have today, and that makes us fortunate no matter what.