Hi there, lovelies. I had an interesting Saturday night that leaves me with good feelings even if it should have been done in college and not now when I'm a spanking 25 year old WOMAN.

Yesterday, I had slept in late and was feeling pretty headachey. I had an intense urge to want to go outside because fall is my favorite season. I miss the fall days (this would be my first fall) of walking to the University campus every morning and kicking the crunchy and colorful leave on the way. I love how the air feels on my cheeks and the wind blowing and the sound of the leaves skittering on the cement. These little things just make me feel joyful and I miss it. Being that I live in a new neighborhood, I don't know where to go for a good walk and desperately wanted to be outside, though preferably in the woods somehow. I posted this in my public journal and a friend of mine called me up and informed me that I live right by a state park and she could come over and go for a walk with me.

It had been snowing recently, but I also love the snow and so was very excited to have that opportunity. She came over and we went to the park, but realized there are no good walking trails, so instead, we drove to a pier into the Ontario Lake and walked down the pier and on the beachside. It was great; very windy indeed and I'm sure my legs were lobster-red, but it was great to have gone outside. When we got back to my apartment, we called another friend of ours to see if she wanted to watch a movie and maybe get some cheapo dinner at Taco Bell. She agreed, but wanted to shower first. So my other friend and I drank some wine, ate some spanish olives and then some cinnamon-sugar pita chips (odd combination, but it was still yummy).

After the movie, I played some tunes on my media player (including Janet Jackson) and we could feel the beat, babies, so we decided we'd go to a club that didn't have a cover.

I looked fantastic for clubbing, and I hadn't been to a club in about three years, so I was very excited to be there. I was, in fact, kind of hoping I could get kissed because I do very much miss kissing, and I realize that the wanting and the reality are two different things because I really can't feel it in me to kiss someone I don't know.

We three girls met three guys at the club, one of which left early. We decided, around 2 a.m., that we'd like to hang out with Steve and Jeff. So we went to Jeff's house, which was right down the street from Kate's, so we weren't too afraid of the prospect. And being that we were two girls and I had clarified they weren't expecting sex (because I do that--be very blunt and up-front), we went.

Jeff is a nerdy and very cute individual. He has a large, brown wart on his face, wears glasses, and seems nervous, but he was very funny and fun and made me laugh, so I liked him anyway. He was flirty without being overt and disgusting, and he was sweet and listened to me and my motions to see when I wasn't all that comfortable. I respected and admired that very much.

I ended up sharing a recliner with Jeff and played footsies. I let him lay his head on my shoulder and admit he lied when he said he was 24 and that he's actually 28 (which made me like him even more). I found it fun that he admitted, very quietly, that he didn't have a degree and that he worked in a carpet store. And I laughed when he told me I was a weirdo, and repeated about 25 times to me, when I had insulted him in the most fun of manners, that "I'm gonna tackle you," which, incidentally, never came to pass.

I had a good time hanging out and felt very wake for the entire night. Jeff was kind and sweet and put his hand on my belly and just rubbed it and I loved feeling someone touch me again. When he laid his head on my shoulder and rubbed my own shoulder, it felt nice and I know that in my own mind, two years ago, I never would have done any of these things, but it really did feel nice. When I said it was time for us to go, because Kate was very quiet and Anna was falling asleep on the other recliner, Jeff asked me to stay cause he had a good game of footsies going on. I fully and honestly believe that had I stayed, he would have enjoyed just sleeping beside somebody and snuggling, as I would have because I miss that affection very much. But I was very afraid of what my friends would think and also very nervous at the prospect of being wrong, so insisted I must go. And again, he was very great about. My friend Kate offered to facilitate another footsie session and left him my number, which Jeff joked was probably something I wouldn't want her to do but didn't want to yell at her in front of him. I wonder if he believed me when I said it was okay.

He didn't kiss me goodbye, though I think he would have liked it. He was far more respectful than his friends were and was very nice and hysterical when dancing. He had no inhibitions about being goofy and I love that very much. He's not sexy or even handsome, except in a way that a girl who finds him to be so sweet can find him handsome, but I like him just the same. I do kind of hope he calls me though I don't think I want to get into anything just yet. But I can already feel it'll be must more relaxing for me to just date and easier to know that I can have my own life and be myself without feeling attached to another person or responsible for their feelings.

So I gues we'll just have to wait and see, won't we?