This entry will end with "welcome to my world." It reads like an old crime novel, or a strange autobiography that nobody really believes because usually, all the people are dead or just plain old crazy.

The situation with my niece has gone way too far. What situation is that? The one I've kept mostly to myself and those I encounter in my personal life. The mother of my niece lives a very unstable life. She has a history of severe depression. She's had to stay at hospitals for her mental health. My mother has caught her in the bathroom cutting her own arms up. She is currently 20 years old and hanging out with a girl on probation who doesn't follow the rules. She now speaks as if she's ignorant.

My sister is intelligent. But she's also stupid. She lives in a drama-filled world, thriving on the fantasy aspect of it. All her emotions are hyperbolized by this strange mental defect. My mother seriously believes that my sister is capable of having her killed. It makes me wonder.

My mother currently has temporary guardianship of my beautiful niece. This expires in May. My mother is planning on moving to Florida to be by my other sister and because she feels the weather and medical care will better serve her. At first, my mother was going to be driving to Florida from Connecticut with the baby, a dog, a cat, and my sister all in a little Corolla. This situation made me incredibly nervous, so I worked out with my foster mother and my other sister to buy a plane ticket for Joey to come from Florida by plane, take the baby back to Florida with her by plane, and meet my mother in Florida. The baby's mother, Laura, has rescinded her promise to accompany my mother to Florida on several occasions, but apparently, is back in the plan.

About two months ago, my sister was threatened with being arrested for handing rolls of pennies into a grocery store in exchange for $40 (they were dime rolls filled with pennies). If she didn't pay the $40 back, she would be arrested. Laura took the rap for the incident because her friend was on probation, and if the friend was accused, she'd immediately be brought to jail. I refused to pay the money for her since 1) she didn't ask herself; 2) she made the choice to take the rap; and 3) I refuse to be an enabler. My mother eventually paid the bill with money she receives for caring for the baby. Then, my sister was caught with her probation-friend driving around in a stolen vehicle. Laura claimed innocence and had to serve 15 hours community service. She had two weeks. She didn't complete it, so asked for an extension. Meanwhile, she will not go to therapy despite several appointments during which the therapist would go to the house.

Serena (the baby) has spent a lot of time with me. I love her more than anything in this world and I would die for her. If it means protecting her, I will do anything for her. I wish I could have custody of her and if not me, my sister Joey. My mother, however, will not give it up. Only my mother is so unstable, it's harming the baby. My mother is constantly in pain, needs a ton of sleep, is always tired, and easily stressed. She moves every year, switches partners, and lacks any sense of stability. She has always lacked stability. She lacked it when she had us and she lacks it now. By the time I was in 8th grade, I had attended 17 schools. That's instability and it harms how I make friendships now. I'm barely capable of having healthy, emotionally strong, friend relationships. I blame it on the fact that I was constantly in a state of adjustment.

My mother called me at 6:10 p.m. last night. She told me her phone had been turned off and Laura had emailed her a letter that she wanted my mother to read before they had a conversation (Laura and my mother live together). Because the phone was disconnected, my mother wanted me to log into AOL using her screen name and then print out the letter and read it to her over the phone. I told my mother I wouldn't do it because 1) Laura most likely would not appreciate me reading it; 2) I don't want to be involved in it; and 3), which I kept to myself, I can't handle it. I don't want to handle it. My mom was obviously upset that I wouldn't do it and went to the library instead.

My mother then called me at 12:30 a.m. I asked her if she had spoken with Laura yet. She said no because she was suffering from a migraine. She said she was concerned about one section of the letter and wanted my advice. She read to me a paragraph that said Laura was not going to participate in any therapy and mom just has to deal with it and wait until Laura is ready. She also said that it hurts her that she overheard mom speaking with me about having custody of the baby and "why would you do that to me?" She added that she and mom have to come to some sort of an agreement or things could get "very bad." Mom was concerned about the "very bad" comment. I told her it may mean just what it says. If things aren't worked out, it'll only get worse. Mom thinks it's more than that. She said she thinks that Laura is going to try to have her killed. I told my mother she was exaggerating and being paranoid. Mom then got very sarcastic with me and said, "Oh, well thanks for your support, Ellie. I'm going to go now." I told her that she didn't call me in order to hear me feed her fears. She called me to calm her down and give her advice, so I was offering other meanings. Also, because she is on probation for the stolen car bit, she has a curfew of 8 p.m. It was 12:30 a.m. and she still wasn't home. I told my mother to call her bond commissioner and report it. Mom used an excuse that she wouldn't be able to get ahold of her; I told mom to leave a message. Recording an event is recording it; don't wait.

After all this nonsense, I hung up the phone and just thought "Enough is enough; I can't do this anymore, my mother can't do this anymore, and poor Serena is left in the middle with no stable ground."

So this morning I wrote to my sister Joey and she is going to come sooner than we thought, possibly tomorrow, to bring Serena to Florida so that my sister Laura can not run off with her. Also, my sister and I are going to start in motion an affidavit against my sister for Joey to gain custody of Serena. It'll be completed by the time my mother gets to Florida. Unfortunately, it means we have to confront my mother and say, "Either you cooperate in this and be there for Serena as her grandmother, relinquishing custody and dismissing your pride (she needs to be a REGULAR grandmother), or we hand this into social services and do it the hard way." I'll be working on the affidavit this weekend. I have an aunt who works politically with the social services system and she'll review the affidavit.

It's good practice for me in another sense too. I already have my brochures and applications for law school. So far, I'm going to try Columbia's Public Interest Law program, Syracuse University's Law/Public Administration degree, and Boston University Law. I'm looking at others as well, just not sure which. My bio-dad is sending me a book of law schools from amazon.com so I can get more options after that. I'll be taking the LSATs in December. Tonight, I am going to the bookstore to pick up study guides.

Also, Jeff was diagnosed with an STD that I had to get tested for (it was negative), but I've been asking him for months to be tested and he refused, insisting that if he had it, he'd know. Turns out that's not the case, as I argued to him time and again, defining the meaning of being a carrier of a disease. Money is still a huge issue; I have to move soon; I'm switching positions and work and have to settle my current cases and be prepared to take on my new job (which I haven't even started researching yet).

Welcome to my world.