I need just a minute to take a breather. A deep breath. A huge sigh. A break. A nap. A moment of peace. A moment of unhindered, thoughtless, body-less sleep. I need a mint in my mouth, a shower on my back, a hand in my hair, massaging, telling me to just breathe. Just breathe, for one more minute, while the world pauses, stops, rests � just to collect myself. To expunge every feeling I have had for the last two month so that I can wake up and be blank; refreshed; ready to take on all that I have to do. All that I don't have to do but want to. All that I don't have the energy to do but want completed by me NOW. Just a minute. That's all.

Something gets piled on this huge pile I already have and it's minute--it really is, but it's heavy. So heavy. Every step is just a little bit harder and I don't have the energy to do anything other than what I'm doing now. To keep working at what I'm working on; to keep waking up at the last minute and dodging to work feeling dirty and unkempt. I want to watch movies; clean my apartment; cook a meal; horse around with my boyfriend until I'm blue in the face and crying from laughing. I want to chat with my friends; relax with a glass of wine. Go out and see what the world looks like.

I've been sick for over a week. I can't really talk; it's better today, but still it's awful. I haven't taken a sick day because I have so much work to get done and if I call in sick, I miss appointments that I've made and I just have to rush to make them up at some other time. I'm behind on progress notes and have to have them in by Friday morning. I have to get the lesson plan information together regarding the group I lead at work for my supervisor (I wish I never got the damn thing). I have to open a case "ASAP." Everything in this damn place is "ASAP." I have to complete my family assessment forms for 10 families--they take an hour to do not to mention that I have to photocopy the damn thing. Stupid, benign but festering things I have to do that have no importance to me whatsoever. Get the kids in daycare and camp. Get them in counseling. Kick them in the ass and say "Hey! Let's get cracking!" Type type type. Hand in your reports; don't forget the details; make sure the goals are enough; make sure you can get it done; make sure you work fast because "our utilization is really down," and while you're doing your job and come to this supervisor for anything, please keep in mind that I'm very busy and have a lot on my plate and can't keep track of everything you come and tell me you need so you have to write it down and Ellie wonder when the good-goddamned-hell you'll write it down FOR ME! I'm sick of ten second phone calls asking me to complete one more ridiculous thing and then at the end of the day hearing shit that it isn't done--well that's because I was busy doing the important stuff PERTAINING TO MY JOB! Stop calling me to come fix your computer or help you figure out how to download songs or searching on the web for the real price a mechanic should be asking to fix your starter. I have work to do, for cripe's sake! Stop asking me how to print an envelope or how your web page looks or how busy you are in your job so "please do well in yours cause it would make mine easier." Would it now? How easy it would it be if I just fucking left, huh?

I need a break. A breather. Just one minute to have it all sucked from me so I can start fresh, like a blank slate, content and ready� I just want to go home, snuggle up to my Jeff and sleep, feel relaxed and good and happy� Just one minute.