Well, I stuck to my guns on Saturday for the bachelorette party, and though some of the group weren't in the same mood that I had felt them in on other occasions when I didn't participate, I still didn't apologize for myself or hold back on my good time. It was very difficult to do this, by the way, because I often feel that if others aren't enjoying it, I really should back off--but the whole point of me going was to just be myself and NOT do that exact thing. My problem throughout most of my life was that I considered other people before I considered my own enjoyment and anybody can tell you that at some point, you have to let that go and have fun and not blame others for your not-good-time. I never consciously did blame others since it's my own doing, but now, from a new perspective, I see that I had a good time and if I had been more considerate of others (aside from the bride, of course, since it is for her), then I potentially could not have enjoyed myself AS MUCH. Some of it is the thrill of knowing that Ellie--sometimes reserved and stuck up, always out to impress with her grades, behavior and smarts--has finally just let go and decided to say, "Listen--this is me. You might not know me yet, though you've known me for years. Sorry if it surprises you; sorry if it pisses you off...but..." I don't think this came into play too much. I trust my friends still care about me and still like me, so for now, I won't worry unless someone comes to me with a problem or a care that perhaps, I should not do it. I'll listen to them... Surprisingly, I didn't drink to the point of being drunk and I barely got a buzz. So I still had fun! :)

Yesterday (Sunday) was a very fortuitous day! I got home from breakfast with some people from the bachelorette party at 7 and crawled into bed with the already sleeping Jeff. At 1, I woke up to him already awake and willing me with his stare to wake up too. We went to Taughanock Falls in Trumansberg, New York, to see the gorge and waterfall. Well, about 200 yards from where we were heading was this huge festival going on! Driving into the town, Jeff said, "This sounds familiar; like with music or something." Turns out it was the Grassroots Festival!! So we drove to see the falls from afar and turned back around and had a GREAT time at the festival.

I love listening to music with Jeff. He enjoys it tremendously and he dances with me and then he's just smiling all the time. He talked to me as well about us and he apologized for 1) being cranky at the start of a trip and snapping at me and other drivers; 2) for things being a bit out of whack and crappy lately. He's been very stressed about the trip we're going on at the end of the month and I guess it's been clouding his mind for some time, so he's been not so great in general. 3) for drinking a lot and not paying much attention to me... He was swell.

We ran into a friend of his at the festival who had some herbs and we smoked some and then watched more music till about 10:30. Jeff and I danced and had a great time. On the way back to the car, I just wanted to make out, so when we got there, we kissed some. It was getting really late, so we had to go. Well, I wanted to keep kissing, so while he was watching the road, I kissed him some more, only in a very special way (yes yes). Next thing you know, I hear screeching the car is bucking (I have a stick) and almost stalls. Jeff was trying to pull into a rest area and forgot he was driving a stick. Well, a guy and girl were sitting in the grass and looked over at us and we turned off our headlights. Next thing you know, they're racing to their car and drive away.

Jeff and I then proceeded to bless my little car and it was so much fun!

What a nice ending to a fun weekend.